Today I finally realized something: I am beautiful. I would like to share my experience with you.
I was an insecure girl who wavered between tomboy and girly fashions. I always thought, “Well, I can have more than one style.”, that idea never peacefully settled in me.
I knew what type of fashion I liked, though I was scared to show it. Here is one of my entries from my diary:
Dear Diary,I’ve come to understand why I’ve chosen tomboy fashion over ‘girly’ fashion; I know The Lord revealed to me why.…I’m afraid to be beautiful. I know that, at heart, I’m a “girly girl”. I’m just afraid to show it. Although I do like tomboy fashion, I’ve liked it for all the wrong reasons. I claimed to like it because it’s “comfortable”, when if fact, I only liked it to hide the true image I have for myself, and because it would hide the discomfort I feel in my own body.I’ve always liked the huge purses, glittery, over-sized, cutesy fashion; however, I was afraid to wear those things because I worried about other people’s thoughts. One reason I tend to pretend is because of what (private) will think.We both came up with my tomboy image, and to tell them I like girly fashion, I’m afraid they may laugh and make fun of me.The point is, I know what I like. I’m just too fearful to show it. Realizing how beautiful I may be frightens me; I think I’ll turn into this stuck up girl.Being beautiful scares me…
After realizing this, I threw my hands up and thanked God. After all, I had just prayed to Him, asking Him to show me how He sees me and to help me realize I was beautiful. I didn’t want to waver anymore. He answered! Next thing I know, I was crying because I finally understoon.
You may wonder why fashion plays such a big part in my understanding. I mean, true beauty comes from the inside, right? Exactly! I finally realized I’m beautiful inside, and to reflect that on the outside will be a little reminder of what’s inside. For me, fashion is no longer about looking a certain way, trying to make myself feel or look beautiful. It’s about reflecting my inside beauty on the outside. I hope to encourage you to work on being beautiful inside, letting the outside be a reflection of that. It’s a waste to be beautiful outside but ugly inside!
