Dear Diary,I’ve come to understand why I’ve chosen tomboy fashion over ‘girly’ fashion; I know The Lord revealed to me why.…I’m afraid to be beautiful. I know that, at heart, I’m a “girly girl”. I’m just afraid to show it. Although I do like tomboy fashion, I’ve liked it for all the wrong reasons. I claimed to like it because it’s “comfortable”, when if fact, I only liked it to hide the true image I have for myself, and because it would hide the discomfort I feel in my own body.I’ve always liked the huge purses, glittery, over-sized, cutesy fashion; however, I was afraid to wear those things because I worried about other people’s thoughts. One reason I tend to pretend is because of what (private) will think.We both came up with my tomboy image, and to tell them I like girly fashion, I’m afraid they may laugh and make fun of me.The point is, I know what I like. I’m just too fearful to show it. Realizing how beautiful I may be frightens me; I think I’ll turn into this stuck up girl.Being beautiful scares me…
I think about you all the time;
What you look like, how you are
Where you are, and if
You think about me.
I look forward to the day we meet.
I dream about me being in
Your embrace, how our
Lips will care for one another, and
How we will travel the world together.
I may not know you yet, but
I can’t wait ’til we meet
And spend together forever…
My Lord holds my hand,
As I live through life.
I walk through a crowd of
Everything and everyone surrounding me.
Few are of delight, while others seem to frighten me.
I tremble, fearing how I may be snatched away;
Physically or emotionally.
All the while I forget my Lord is
Right beside me, holding my hand.
Surrounded by this crowd, which is the world,
I will never let go of my Lord’s hand.
I will always look to my Lord
So I may never be swept in the same direction,
And lost without a home.
I will never let go of my Lord’s hand.
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me,is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” John 10:27-29
Laying in the silence of the night,
My head on the pillow, and
My body covered in soft sheets;
The wind howling in the sky.
My heart beats.
Not for you, but because of you.
#1 Hand (Left): Mint Sorbet & Who’s That Girl (the day I used pastel colors, I painted both hands with two different colors).
#2 Hand (Right): Lacey Lilac & Vintage Couture
#3: Monster Energy drink design. Colors: Black on Black & Sage in the City (this is from today).
Companies That Made the Colors:
Vintage Couture: Studio M Nail Lacquer
Who’s That Girl: Studio M Nail Lacquer
Mint Sorbet: Xtreme Wear
Lacey Lilac: Xtreme Wear
Black on Black: Sinful Colors
Sage in the City: wet n wild
Standing there, it suddenly becomes quiet.
The clock is ticking and I realize
Time never slows down, or stops.
As we take breaks, time does not.
As we procrastinate, time does not.
As we are lazy, time is not.
As we are busy watching others…
Time goes on as we miss opportunities.
Tick tock says the clock.
What are you doing?
There is an emptiness that
Fills us once in a while.
We feel that something is missing,
But we don’t know what.
We began to crave what the
World views as “success”.
We began to want others to
Look at us, too.
We start to work
Harder and harder, just to
Be on top.
We over think,
We are unhappy,
We try to be like others,
And we become sad with
Don’t let this craving rule over you.
It is a dangerous crave.
When you began to feel
Empty and worthless,
God will give you the power to be
Satisfied with your life, and the craving will go away.
It’s going to take time, but you will soon see
That you will have joy no matter what happens.
You will understand that
The craving was empty and not fulfilling.
And you will be glad that
You now crave a relationship with God,
Instead of unhappiness.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:6-7
We all have these days. We feel like we are worth nothing, no one will ever know who we are, and we aren’t the perfect image the media would like for us to be. We’re either too dark or too light. We’re not skinny enough or we’re too skinny. Our hair isn’t long enough or our hair is too long. We’re too short or too tall. We don’t look like him or her, and we wish we could be him or her.
Like I said, we all have days when we feel like this. But like my mom tells me, “Don’t let your emotions lead you.” Which means, we shouldn’t let the way we feel at the moment have the final say of how our day, or life should turn out. If you can change something, change it because you want to, or because you want to try something new. Not because you hate yourself or because the media doesn’t approve of you. And if you can’t, pray and ask God to help you love the way He created you to be.
When you began to feel sad or depressed because of how you look, just remember what God says about you, “…For I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14
It was a rainy day,
“I thought today would
Be a pretty day, I guess not.”, She said.
“It still is…”, I thought.
Rainy days are just as
Pretty as sunny days.
Hail falls from the sky
Like little jewels,
And rain falls like diamonds,
Rippling in the ponds of water.
The skies are shining like
Silver, bringing out the
Intense green of the pine trees,
And the grass shows color like a
Usual spring day. And the
Color of flowers are dull,
Yet brighter as the silver skies
make them pop with accent.
Rainy days may seem gloomy,
But you can choose to see them
As an usual sunny day.